The one where I get punched in the face by Mike Tyson
Listening to: nothing again today. Didn't bother taking my headphones to work as I wanted to enjoy the sounds of the city.
To the office today for the first time in weeks. An interesting if exhausting experience punctuated by expensive salmon sandwiches and waaaay to much popcorn.
Popcorn, you say? Yeah, we're one of these trendy offices with all sort of healthy snacks, dried banana, raisins, rice waffles, nuts and so on. No, none of your sugary nonsense on our patch. We also had a load of funky fun things dotted around the office, like a caravan, and a tuk-tuk, and a ping-pong table, and a dartboard and one of those dolls you see in gyms where men who probably took too much steroids take turns hooking it in the jaw. Yeah, all fun and japes until things didn't go so well at work and we had to fire a load of people and we got a new managing director who got rid of all that shite and turned it back into an office, and not the Pound Shop Google wankfest it had become.
Anyway, to the office for a workshop on leadership. I'm kind of old and jaded for these kinds of things. When you've been around the block as much as I have, chances are this is not your first rodeo and you've been in enough of these leadership workshops to know that it's all fine and good on a presentation, but actually making it into something that's implemented and useful is quite another matter. As Mike Tyson once said:
everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.
Same with this. It's all well and good, but eventually we'll have missed our targets again and this initiative will be hurled overboard along with all our grand plans. So, we'll wait and see how this goes. Although, I have a fair idea already ...
Still, we got free cake and croissants, so that was nice. Home at 4pm, dinner at 6pm, and so the working part of the day draws to a close and we have the trauma of finding something on Netflix we can both watch to look forward to.
With C. and R. away to Porto for the Easter break and B. and K. both working I've got a long weekend all to myself. I was thinking of going to London for a few days and just wandering about with my camera, some good music and the freedom that solo travel brings with it. I had the flights lined up, just needed to find somewhere to stay and away I go.
Except.
Except I just couldn't bring myself to book. I'm not sure why this was. Perhaps the expense? €550 for flights and accomodation doesn't sound too bad. Most of the places I'd be going to are free, and then there's only an Oyster card for transport, food, and the stupid VISA you now need to visit the UK from Europe. All in all not too bad, but still a factor considering we just spunked €13k on the garden. So perhaps expense is playing a small part.
Perhaps it's this crazy thought going around my head saying "yeah, well, what are you going to do when you get there? It's just daft, a man your age and fitness schlepping about London on his own. Really, get a grip". I'm obsessed with the weather, what to bring, will I get cold, will I get wet, will I get hot? What if I need the toilet? Or my phone needs charging?
It's that voice that's winning out at the moment. Terrible, so it is.
I've got a few museums lined up, I got → Mindtrip to make me a nice itinerary that takes in all the quieter places (I've been to London loads, so I've seen and been to all the touristy things, I just want to wander about really) and thanks to some people on Threads I've got a few photo ideas too.
It's all arranged, all I have to do is push the buttons to book ..
Except.
Except I'm here arguing with myself, justifying the expense, rationalising the decadence of solo travel when I've a family at home, all the while being acutely aware that if I don't do this I'll regret it forever, this missed opportunity to do something for myself. I know that if I don't go I'll just end up sitting on the sofa at home, alone, eating crisps and watching Homes Under The Hammer.
Why am I like this? Why can't I do this? Why does it take so much effort to make such a simple decision that I know I'll enjoy.
I wish I knew.
It's not FOMO. It's FOTP, Fear of Taking Part.
Actually, thinking about it now, it's a bit like that workshop today.
All grand plans, all grand talk, all grand ideas.
But actually making it happen is the hard part. Great ideas, but hard to put into practice.
It needs leadership from me to get it going, but honestly, I feel like I've just been punched in the face by Mike Tyson.
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